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Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Darwin Awards

It's that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.

 Here is the glorious winner:
1. When his 38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach California , would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.

And now, some of the honorable mentions:

2. Some would be petty juvenile criminals, practicing up for their future careers, broke into a local gas station during a snowstorm.  The local police, alerted by an alarm, tracked their footprints back home to recover the loot.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. 'Understandably', he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

5.  A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer..... $15. [If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?

6. A gang of precocious middle school students made a late night break in of their local schools office, which they promptly trashed. Some of the crew,  enamored of their access to the schools copy machine,  began copying some private bodily parts.  However, in the process, some faces were also captured….

7.  As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

8.  The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti , Michigan at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.

9. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle Street , he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

Methinks it's not evolution we're noting here but devolution. BTW can you guess which two examples Troutbirder contributed?  :)


Faythe said...

crime doesn't pay and it shows who has the real smarts! thanks for the laugh... I am guessing you added #8 & #9.

Linda said...

I am not sure which ones you added, to be honest, but I appreciate the laugh.

Ms Sparrow said...

When they mention Darwin Awards. I always think of the joker who was at the food court on the 4th floor of the Mall of America. He decided to ride down sitting on the hand rail of the escalator. He fell 4 floors to his death. I think it's a good bet that he had been drinking.

NCmountainwoman said...

#2 and #6?

The most frightening thing is that those Americans among them can or will be able to vote. And their votes count as much as yours and mine.

Thanks for the laugh!

Montanagirl said...

Don't know which ones you added, but I sure got some chuckles out of this post!

troutbirder said...

NCW nailed it. Only a former middle school teacher, saddened to hear of the events, could secretly chuckle to himself and not be surprised...

Jo's World said...

They are mostly funny but too many of them are gun-related and if that doesn't scare us, it should!

Jo in MN