It had been most recent Valentines day and I had been
invited to lunch and a party with music, with my special Valentine. When I
got there Barb had a new friend to go along with Nancy who held hands, on a
regular basis, with Barb who reassured her when Nancy cries that everything was
going to be all right. She also promised to be the matron of honor for another
somewhat confused lady who believed she was going to be married at the end of
the week. Naturally, Barb volunteered to be her matron of honor. All of us
sat together for Valentines lunch at a big table after I cleared with the authorities
that this was okay and seemed no danger to anyone. I also consulted with the
pianist who was providing the music and asked if she could play some slow music
after lunch, preferably waltzes, so Barb and I could dance. All I could think of was the Tennessee waltz. In the meantime, the pianist was playing golden oldies from the 50s. My lunch group along
with others at other tables seemed to be having a good time and I encouraged my
group to guess the songs which were golden oldies and we played guess the name
of the song and the singer. All the people with dementia beat me soundly in that game. Some bad jokes on my part, more fun and then I told them Barb and I
were going to dance. And so we did. Alone at first and then several other "mixed"married couples(caretaker and resident)
joined us. Finally, some of the aides began rounding up people from other areas in wheelchairs and brought them to join the dance party. Here they held hands h with those in
wheelchairs and they danced also. Towards the end as some of the smiling laughing people began to sit down from exhaustion, one of the big shots showed up with
the camera and took pictures of the crowd. Later, I asked for copies and
told them with their permission I might advertise their wonderful institution
by putting those pictures on my blog. Unfortunately, because this facility is part of a giant corporation they have lawyers, there are some "privacy"issues involved in that . So eventually, I expect to get an edited picture of me and my beloved dancing through the night at our best Valentines day ever, and they will be posted on this very same blog :-) Ray
Finally, I had to deal with one difficult problem. Saying
goodbye to Barb. The problem is easy to explain. When I arrive I get hugs and
kisses. When I leave I have two choices. The first is to bring Barb home with
me. The second is to shack up with her and move in to memory care. The solution
requires teamwork on the part of the staff and me heading home without being
seen. Today it all worked well and when I called back Barb was still happy,
contented in her new apartment and doing just fine. A really good day in
dementia land for Barb and me as well.
3 comments:
I think about treading softly on egg shells. Thank you for loving Barb forever.
Aww. This must be so hard for you, but you are handling it so well.
It seems that music often brings them back or at least close to it. I once saw a clip of a very old dementia patient who hadn't responded in years. But then she revived enough to respond to a song.
I can relate to this post as I've been helping to care with a family member 7 days a week for the last 2 years.it is a bittersweet experience.
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